Yankees Exclusive: Interview with Brian Cashman that never actually happened.

New York Yankees, Yankees, Brian Cashman
Mar 8, 2018; Tampa, FL, USA; New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman prior to the game against the Philadelphia Phillies at George M. Steinbrenner Field. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Here’s is my interview that never actually happened with Brian Cashman about the trade deadline. All opinions about fans are mine and probably his as well.

Me: Hey Brian I appreciate you taking the time to chat. I know your a busy guy since, according to Yankee fans, you’re alternating between actively trying to ruin the season or swimming in piles of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck with your time.

Brian Cashman: Anytime, and you forgot the part where I am actively poisoning our players to try and get them all on the IL.

M: laughter whoops, that’s my bad. Well does it bother you your team is neck and neck with Houston for the best record in the American League considering how hard you have tried to ruin the season?

BC: I’d be lying if I said it didn’t…wouldnt you be frustrated? I mean, I hire the most incompetent training staff I can, misdiagnose injuries to our best starter,  a key bullpen guy, and keep Stanton out all year and nothing seems to work.

M: I can see that, so was your plan to always ruin the team or did it happen organically as the season progressed?

BC:  It’s a little bit of both. I can’t say with a straight face I wanted the team to be this good when I planned on having Greg Bird and Jacoby Ellsbury be involved at the outset. Jacoby was never really going to play, but I thought Greg could make it to July at least. He would have helped keep Voit out of the line-up while we talked about his “perfect swing” and great defense. Unfortunately he can only stay true to his nature and spiked himself early on AND that was it. Maybe next year…I still think he has a ton of potential at this point Cashman bursts out laughing

M: Speaking of potential, what’s the situation with Clint Frazier now with Aaron Hicks injury?

BC:  I have to thank the media for their help with this one. Clint clearly is ready to be an everyday left fielder for this team, and he was really an impact bat for us…I wasnt sure how I was going to get him out of the line-up. Then he had that rough night in Boston and while he was out of position and leading the team and league in assists he somehow was labeled a liability on defense. Then when he voiced frustration at my jerking him around, the media stepped in and Yankee fans bought their narrative and wanted nothing to do with him. So I think I’ll let him waste away one more season in AAA while our sheep like fans get excited about guys with no future like Maybin and Tauchman. My goal is for Gardy to be our starter in left until he’s 50….he can be our Tom Brady.

M: I’m impressed with the way your manipulating the fans and the media with those moves, but then you went and turned the fans against you by not getting a starter at the trade deadline. Explain that to me.

BC:  Well I want to keep my job, I couldnt torture the fans if I got fired right? So I mean who was I getting? Stroman, Ray, Boyd….Sonny Gray was better than any of those guys. All the fans would have killed me if we had a repeat of that. The only reason I got away with it is the players we sent Oakland were part of our core of porcealin prospects, guaranteed to break if you use them.

M: You’ve mentioned fan reactions a few times, how does that play into the moves you make?

BC: Well obviously I hate them and want the team to be good enough to keep their interest but always fall short in the end. I mean you look at Dave Dombrowski..he got Boston one title on a team that had two players have career years, survived the beginning of Chris Sales decline, and thought Nathan Eovaldi could stay healthy. He gave up almost all their depth for one title run and right now that’s fine. Now he’s gotta resign Betts and Martinez, while still having a ton of cash wrapped up in Sale and Eovaldi who are both not ever gonna be the same. He’ll be gone in a few years. What I’m creating is sustained success with no title. That’s much harder to do.

M: Clearly you have given this alot of thought and I know your a busy guy so I’ll let you go,  is there anything else youd like to share with Bombers fans?

BC: I just want them to know that I get to pocket all the money from concessions personally and they are 100% right that those pennies are what drives me. I didnt make a deal at the deadline not because nothing reasonable was available but because I hate them and my players. As my bonus this year I’m getting the money the club gets from Ellsbury’s contract insurance. Just remember, I’ve built the worst best team in baseball and I’m gonna keep doing it.

M: Thanks Brian.

BC: Anytime, I’m always here for ESM.